Being a dad is not for the faint of heart.
There are bills to pay, teams to coach, lawns to mow, scraped knees to bandage, and tantrums to calm. Just when you think you’ve got parenting figured out, a child does something that makes you question every decision you have ever made.
As brothers with seven kids between us, we have spent years comparing notes on the joys, frustrations, and occasional absurdities of fatherhood. We’ve learned that no parenting book fully prepares you for what lies ahead. Fortunately, we also have learned that sometimes the best parenting strategy is simply surviving the day with your sense of humor intact.
On this Father’s Day, we would like to share a few real-life parenting challenges each of us has encountered over the years, along with a few cannabis-inspired gift recommendations for dads who deserve a little relaxation after the kids finally go to bed.
Assembling that first crib
Every dad eventually encounters the same trap. You buy a crib. Or a toy. Or some other child-related contraption. You glance at the box and think, “this should take about 20 minutes.”
It never takes 20 minutes.
Anyone who has assembled a crib knows the drill. The box contains approximately 800 pieces, one tiny Allen wrench and instructions that somehow manage to be both incredibly detailed and completely unhelpful at the same time.
The real danger comes when you discover you have made a mistake on Step 37 of 42. Suddenly you’re not assembling a crib anymore. You’re disassembling a crib so you can reassemble it correctly. Then, once you have finally finished, you realize it won’t fit through the doorway and must be taken apart all over again.
We have experienced every variation of this nightmare. Cribs that would not fit through doorways. Furniture that had to be completely dismantled and moved three feet before being rebuilt. Christmas toys that looked like a 10-minute project but somehow consumed an entire afternoon.
Nothing strengthens a father’s character quite like spending four hours building furniture designed for someone who weighs 32 pounds.
Product recommendation
For the dad stressing over furniture or toy assembly — and the dad who realizes there are three screws left over after “finishing” — we recommend a calming hybrid edible. Edibles high in linalool or myrcene may contribute to an increased sense of serenity. You deserve some peace once the little one is sleeping soundly in, or actively destroying, the masterpiece you just spent hours constructing.
The joys of daughters and hair-brushing duty
If you are a father of daughters, sooner or later you will be handed a brush and asked to help with somebody’s hair. This is where confidence becomes dangerous. At first, it seems simple enough. How difficult could brushing hair be?
The answer, as many fathers discover, is extremely difficult.
For reasons we still do not fully understand, many little girls react to a dad brushing their hair as if they’re being prepared for medieval torture. The brush comes out, and the running begins. Suddenly you are negotiating with a four-year-old who seems genuinely convinced you want to ruin her life.
Even when cooperation is achieved, success is not guaranteed. We’ve created hairstyles that resemble dinosaur spines, windswept tumbleweeds, and abstract modern art. Meanwhile, Mom somehow creates a flawless dance-recital hairstyle in three minutes without causing an emotional breakdown.
At some point, many fathers must accept hair duty may not be their calling.
Product recommendation
For the dad whose children view basic grooming as an act of war, we recommend a mellow, stress-relieving, indica-based gummy to help process the emotional damage caused by losing a wrestling match to a four-year-old armed with a hairbrush. Try a formula incorporating limonene, a terpene that may help elevate mood while soothing frayed nerves.
Constant noise and never-ending mess
Children possess a remarkable superpower: They can remain completely silent for hours. Then, at the exact moment you answer an important phone call, they begin screaming, wrestling, singing, arguing or launching themselves off furniture.
Whether you are on a business call, speaking to your doctor or enjoying a long-delayed conversation with a friend, children somehow sense the precise moment when your full attention is required elsewhere. That’s when the chaos begins.
Household mess follows a similar pattern.
When you have one child, the toys seem manageable. When you have two children, the toys become annoying. With more than two kids, however, you eventually reach a stage where cleaning up feels less like housekeeping and more like a temporary ceasefire in a war you are destined to lose.
Our families used to clean every night. Everything had a place. The toys were organized. The floors were visible. Then life happened.
Now we have both accepted a simple truth: A clean house and multiple children rarely occupy the same space at the same time. By morning, whatever progress was made the night before usually has been erased. If you are naturally neat, there comes a point where you simply surrender and learn to step over a pile of stuffed animals without letting it affect your blood pressure.
Product recommendation
When it is time to tune out the chaos, we recommend a good pair of wireless headphones, your favorite playlist, and an uplifting cannabis beverage for a little well-earned peace and quiet after the kids are asleep.
The curious case of random nakedness
Nobody warns new fathers how much time they will spend discussing inappropriate nudity. For some reason, small children love being naked.
One minute everything is normal. The next, a child has removed all their clothing and is sprinting through the house, the backyard, or in some memorable cases, the neighborhood.
We have witnessed children decide that trees are perfectly acceptable public restrooms. We have watched frantic parents chase naked toddlers down sidewalks while trying to explain to confused neighbors that this is not, in fact, part of the family routine.
Science has yet to explain this phenomenon, but every parent seems to experience it eventually.
Product recommendation
For the dad who spends his afternoons apologizing to neighbors and chasing unclothed offspring through public spaces, we recommend a relaxing evening with your favorite cannabis product and the comforting reminder that someday these stories will be embarrassing for them instead of you.
Enjoy your Father’s Day
Fatherhood is messy, exhausting, expensive, and occasionally ridiculous. It is also the best thing either of us has ever done.
The truth is that most dads are making it up as they go. We all lose our patience occasionally. We all make mistakes. We all spend far more time assembling toys, cleaning messes, and searching for missing snacks than we ever expected. But somehow, despite the chaos, it all ends up being worth it.
So, this Father’s Day, whether you are building a crib, chasing a naked toddler, or searching for your last protein bar, remember that you are not alone.
Take a deep breath. Keep calm. Dad on.
Corey Keller (father of five) and Conlan Keller (father of two) are brothers, co-founders, and co-owners of Bonanza Cannabis Company. Between them, they have seven children, approximately 14,000 toys on the floor, and enough parenting experience to know that silence is usually suspicious.
